Toper the Torpe

February 6, 2011


I never had the courage to talk to her.  I am what they call in Filipino, a 'torpe'.


The following are percentages of my brain activity and my body process:

• BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP  (duration: lying in bed until I fall asleep)

1. Brain - 70%
2. Body - 30%

As you can see in the figures above, we can conclude that before I sleep, my brain activity is at its peak.  This is caused by some ideas that are still registered and processed by my brain.  Examples of these ideas are conversations with (beautiful) people, my regrets (shudda wudda cuddas), my shameful moments, my fantasies, etc.  In terms of my body process, it is evident that I have no energy left to initiate further movements.

• DURING MY SLEEP  (duration: during my sleep)

1. Brain - 40%
2. Body - 60%

Now, during my sleep, my brain activity goes lower and my body activity goes higher.  Low brain activity is explained by either never having a dream or always forgetting a dream.  High body activity is demonstrated by having hyperactive body reflexes like sleep walking (happened once) and involuntary twisting and kicking (happens regularly).  No wonder, nobody wants to sleep beside me.  

• AS I WAKE UP  (duration: from the time the alarm goes off or my head aches from too much sleep until the time I am finished staring at nothingness)

1. Brain - 20%
2. Body - 80%

You may notice that my brain activity is at its lowest when I wake up.  This is caused by lack of sleep or too much sleep.  At this point, movements are initiated only by body reflexes, thus, having no consent from the brain.  This usually takes 15 minutes at most.  Evident activities are staring at nothingness.

Our choir instructor visited us during our choir practice today.  He is an occasional visitor because he instructs several locales in our area.  He divided our choir into three groups according to the days of service.  The first group is on the choir pews located at the farthest part of the hall, beyond the seats of the ministers/pastors.  These pews, facing the audience, are raised like the seats in an auditorium.  The second group is on the left side pews while the third group is on the right side pews.  Just so you know, the hall of the chapel is divided into two sections; pews on the left section are for males and pews on the right section are for females.  This arrangement proves to be effective in lessening noises caused by conversations of people attending the worship service.


She is seated in the first row of pews for males while I am seated on the choirs' pews.  She is just a few meters from me.

There are many reasons why guys are afraid to approach the opposite sex to start off a relationship. Some of them are ingrained in the three core fears of every man namely: fear of failure, fear of rejection and fear of success. These are the core fears. Other fears are derivatives of these three core fears. These include a feeling of inadequacy and inferiority complex and inappropriate intention. Here are some details of the different fears: 

• Fear of failure - This is a terrible and ensnaring fear that petrifies and stupefies people into inaction. Men are hunters, gamers and they like to win. They are taught by their mothers to win. They do not know how to lose. So the fear of failure can make a guy run around a girl for months and sometimes years without being able to open up and tell her that he admires her. The thought of failing on a project not to talk about a project of getting a girl would stop the brightest of guys to make the attempt.  
• Fear of rejection - Nobody wants to be rejected. Guys, no matter how tough they appear in the exterior, are seriously afraid of being rejected. Women, even when they would desire to go out with a guy, play some pranks and guys because of the fear already ingrained that they may be rejected would rather not venture lest they are rejected. Guys set out expecting the girls to be snobbish. This is engineered by the fear that she is likely to reject their overtures.  
• Fear of success - Interestingly, guys are afraid of succeeding with a girl. While considering meeting a girl, guys get afraid that she might say yes, and then they would have to face the challenge of managing the relationship. Who am I to have such a gorgeous girl? Can I even maintain the relationship with such a top chic? It seems absurd but true that guys are afraid of succeeding with girls some of the times. Here is the fear of inadequacy and inferiority complex captured.  
• Inappropriate intention - Guys see a beautiful or attractive girl and they begin to think sexual intercourse or other inappropriate thoughts about her. When this is at the background, the guy fears that his intentions would be exposed if he goes ahead to ask the girl for attention. This fear is as stifling as the fear of failure, rejection and success is. While a noble intention for a wholesome worthy kind of relationship with a girl would buoy up a guy to take action, an intention for sexual intimacy retards the ability of the brain to respond to the desire of the heart to act. 

So girls, when you have given the neighborhood guy all the signal and he is not still able to come forward to toast you, there is a chance that he restrained by the fear of inappropriate intention towards you. 

Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Francis_Nmeribe

I look away whenever she catches me looking at her.  We have been like this for nearly.... six years.